in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize