ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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