you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
