I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
