just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
