drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
