he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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