i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
