Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Your tits are I can't wait for
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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