well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
