there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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