So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
