Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
