I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
