I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
