I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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