Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
