Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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