I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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