Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
