I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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