Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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