She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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