yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
