I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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