just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
