the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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