let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize