You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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