Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
