if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
