Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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