I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize