fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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