When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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