I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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