Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
