Betty ford says i'm here all night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
