did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
