I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
