yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
