no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She even gives head with a lisp.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Randomize
