you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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