Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
do nipples grow back?
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