Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
