Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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