I think I died a long time ago.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
