you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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