O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
