Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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