FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
