He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
