I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
