I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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