Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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