break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
