if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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