When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
