1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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