You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize