She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
