when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
