girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
