I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if i died would you start the facebook group?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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