I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
