It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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