Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
