I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
