2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
