So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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