hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
