We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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